


Batteries Not Required

by sageclover61



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood Adoption, Diaper-Wearing Sam Winchester, Diapers, Gen, Human Sacrifice, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Kid Fic, Lucifer is a confuse, POV Sam Winchester, POV Second Person, Pagan God Gabriel (Supernatural), Psychic Abilities, Psychic Sam Winchester, Second Person, Self-Esteem Issues, audio processing disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 02:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20631230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageclover61/pseuds/sageclover61
Summary: On the summer solstice of 1989, John Winchester summons who he believes to be Loki in attempt to bargain one six year old Sam for his other son. The supposed Pagan deity doesn't take too kindly to being offered an unwilling sacrifice incapable of consenting.Apparently his brothers didn't get the memo about true consent either, but Sam Winchester is just a little boy with audio processing disorder and the uncanny ability to know who people are.





	Batteries Not Required

**Author's Note:**

> I have had something like an obsession with true second person voice for years. [Bright Lights Big City is such a good book, and it's a good example of why someone might choose to use second person voice as a means of portraying a very specific mindset of the narrator.] I finally started writing this because I was sort of frustrated with seeing y/n in fics so this was sort of my response to it. This is not reader insert, (the place you would find y/n) and I have nothing against them, I just find it breaks the immersion of story-telling.
> 
> Warnings for-  
Brief mentions of child prostitution in the past. (Dean Winchester has lived a hard life protecting and providing for his little brother.)  
Sam has a consideration of pain that could be seem in a way as leaning towards self-harm, while he does not actively attempt to hurt himself here.
> 
> In this fic, Sam Winchester has something like audio processing disorder, which means he doesn't necessarily comprehend or hear correctly what is being spoken around him. For a sake of clarity, all dialogue has been written the way anyone else would hear it.

Sir sliced your forearm with the silver dagger and you tried not to flinch as your blood ran out onto the ground. The containment circle you were inside was made of animal blood and a powder you were unfamiliar with, and you had no idea how it was holding because the rain had already thinned the circle.

It was dark and cold and you were soaked through your old tattered clothing. The rain hadn't stopped yet, but you could remember recent days that were long and hot. But the sun always disappears eventually.

_ This was for De _ . That was the only part of Sir's explanation you had understood and it was the only part that mattered. You needed De like a flower needed water. His existence made yours bearable.

"You have to want this, Sam," Sir had said, slower than he'd ever spoken to you before. "Loki only accepts willing sacrifices." The first sentence had made enough sense, but you did not comprehend the reason behind it.

"De?" you had asked instead. You didn't need to understand anything, as long as following the instruction meant getting him back.

"If you don't do this, you will  _ never _ see your brother again."

You might have tried your best to follow Sir's instructions anyway, but there was no way you were going to do anything to put De at risk.

It's one of the few certainties of your life. There were three. De is stability, Sir is not to be trusted, and the burning and acrid scent that often surrounds him means pain and shouting and words you couldn't comprehend.

You don't smell it now, but you knew it was coming. You're kneeling and bleeding on the ground in the middle of the forest in the middle of the night and it's raining. You're not stupid and nothing is capable of surprising you. Whenever this is over, there’s going to be so much pungent scent you won’t be able to smell anything else.

"Find Loki," Sir commanded suddenly. It was the one command you had learned to always hear, and follow, though it always made your head feel further filled with sawdust and so much pain. It was also like filling your head with garage sale artifacts and pieces of things that didn't belong to you.

But you followed the command, closing your eyes and reaching for the figure who Sir believed could return De.

_ "Gabrieloki,"  _ your subconscious whispered. Behind closed eyes you saw a hasty sketch, like from an old book, but it was wrong. A facade of indifference behind a mask of anger behind so much pain it left you writhing and gasping for breath.

"Find Loki! You worthless waste of space!" Sir screamed. You felt rather than saw the foot coming over the circle to kick you right in the lower part of your stomach and your forehead slammed into the ground because it hurt too much to stay upright.

"Gabrieloki," you begged, too quietly for Sir to register the sound.  _ You needed De. _

There was a flash of light in your peripheral, but you didn't move. Sir's trained you well. Most of the time, it never even occurs to you to flinch.

De would call it self-preservation, but De isn't here. You haven't seen De in a very long time. But you don't want to think about that because it makes you feel sad.

You had felt abandoned then. De had left and you still wondered if you'd ever see him again and at the time you had believed that the very least he could do was take you with him.

But Sir has not let you out of his sight for more than a few minutes at a time and now, finally, you understand. Sir is here, with you and De is gone away from Sir,

And you've never wanted anything else more.

"It has been a very long time since a moron thought sacrificing snake skin to me was a good idea. And I thought I was always clear about the necessity of a  _ willing _ sacrifice."

It wasn't so much the voice of the new arrival that drew your attention back as it was the raindrops splattering on your head. 

Sir said something in answer, but you had no idea what. Sometimes you get lost in your head and words have no meaning. Even when you're paying attention, they'll sometimes exist in a state of meaningless flux. Just like you.

"A willing sacrifice must be able to consent to being the sacrifice of their own free will, or else it's not a  _ willing  _ one."

"He is a willing sacrifice! Tell him, Sammy! Your sacrifice for Dean's return to me!"

You looked up at the figure you had brought here.  _ Gabrieloki _ . His expression was one filled with rage, but you knew it wasn't rage  _ towards  _ you. Another mask. You thought his true mess of feelings might include sadness, but it hurt too much to try to dig deeper.

"De?" You wanted to see De. Nothing else mattered. You could be  _ whatever  _ he wanted you to be if it meant that you could join De away from Sir.

The edges of his anger seemed to fade, but maybe it was because it wasn’t  _ you  _ that he was mad at. But then the anger flared as he directed his gaze towards Sir. “You would exchange one son with another as though they are items to be bartered with?!”

You had to remind yourself that his displeasure wasn’t at you, not like Sir’s when you messed up the salt lines. Or anything else.

“I will do whatever it takes to get back my firstborn! Sammy’s not so unwilling a sacrifice, why won’t you accept it?!”   
  
The sound of falling rain and the occasional bird are infinitely more interesting to you than Sir’s current tirade. His loud and angry bustle was normal. Either there would be pain, or there wouldn’t be pain, and it was so commonplace that you were incapable of caring one way or the other any longer. Either was temporary.  _ You would get your De back. _

You knew your view of pain wasn’t the healthiest, but it reminded you that you were more alive than the oscillating language you so greatly related to. Did you sometimes wish your pain was greatly lessened? Absolutely. But to feel as though you were only moments from disappearing, not unlike the sounds that vanished in moments, was not any better.

You didn’t like feeling like water in a sieve, as though you had to hold close every fragment of yourself or watch it flow down the drain.

“What makes you think I would be willing to give you another son when you’re willing to so thoughtlessly discard the one you still have? This supposedly ‘consenting sacrifice’ is not walking into this with both eyes open, as I  _ have always demanded _ .”

You were curious about the Gabrieloki. You had no idea who he was, only that Sir had demanded you summon him, so you did. You did not know what Sir had been asking of you, to be his willing sacrifice.

He was shorter than Sir and the physical differences extended to him looking less harsh. The complexities of his dialogue meant absolutely nothing to you, but that wasn’t relevant. Even with what little comprehension you did have, you were not so stupid as to not understand that they were talking about  _ you _ .

You could be a good judge of character when you wanted to be and what you wanted was to get closer and  _ understand _ . You settled yourself to speaking up instead, even though there were times when it was nearly impossible to say anything at all. “De? De afe?” 

“Shut up!”

You didn’t look at Sir, but you  _ knew  _ the Mad Voice was directed at you. You knew that the word ‘stop’ was not spoken, but tone can carry intention.

You saw Sir raise a foot in anger, again, and this time you were unable to hold back the flinch. You only wanted pain as a necessary way to stay in reality.

You were already firmly in reality.

But the foot never connected. There was suddenly nothing and Sir appeared to be frozen in mid air.

The rain drops had stopped falling. They were still in the air, but not in motion.

You felt a tingling at the edge of your senses and your attention returned to Gabrieloki, a name which was decidedly too long. He looked more like an El, anyway. He wasn’t moving, but his stillness wasn’t as unnatural as Sir’s or that of the water droplets.

You were still kneeling right in front of him, so you settled back on your haunches. The only sound was you and the soft breathing of the one you were considering. You thought about smudging the lines of the containment circle, but you  _ knew  _ that it wasn’t holding him here, that he could leave whenever he wanted to. That he hadn’t left yet, and even the fact that he had shown up at all, meant that he had some  _ reason  _ to not leave yet.

You knew it was because of you. That should have scared you, but you weren’t frightened at all. You were happy.

In a moment of lightning inspiration, you knew what to do.

You pulled De’s stolen and unopened chocolate bar from your back pocket. He’d given it to you  _ “In case of an emergency,”  _ at a time close to the falling apart of everything.  _ You didn’t want to recall the moments leading up to De being gone. _

You held it towards El. You still had no idea what a willing sacrifice was, or what it had to do with you. But maybe he’d like a chocolate bar? “De? De afe?” you repeated, waving the candy bar.

El grinned and took the candy bar from you. Then he broke it into equal halves without removing the wrapper. You could tell that it was very melted chocolate bar and hoped that he wouldn’t mind.“Yes, Dean is safe.” 

Then nothing mattered. You  _ needed  _ De, but Sir wasn’t safety, so De was better off wherever he was unless you could get to safety too. Then you could have him back.

“You’re a conundrum, aren’t you, Sammy.”

With the rest of the world in silence, it was easier to follow what was spoken. But they were just words. You didn’t have to know what they meant in a sentence to understand that the tone was not one of anger. Almost a chiding friendliness.

You didn’t try to piece enough words together to respond. You expected that he didn’t need a response. You merely watched to see what he would do. 

He tossed the second half back at you and delicately removed the wrapper from his half. You stared at your half.

“I know what John wants, and I think I know what your brother wants.”

You unwrapped your half of the chocolate bar because you were  _ sure  _ that it was his intention for you to eat it, even though you didn’t understand why. The chocolate bar was more melted than you’d thought and you managed to get it all over your hands and before you had any pieces to put in your mouth.

You tilted your head at the word ‘brother’. You were sure he was talking about De, even if the rest of the sentence was entirely lost.

Did he know where De was? Could he take you to him? Would he be willing to do so, if you were on your best behavior and asked really nicely?

The silence persisted until your train of thought ended and you tilted your head to study the stranger again. What did he want in exchange?

“What do  _ you _ want, Kiddo?”

This time, the words were spoken slowly, clearly, and loudly, in a way that you could digest each of them and process the meaning of the phrase.

You had learned quickly not to ask Sir to repeat himself, whether because you hadn’t processed his words yet, or because you genuinely hadn’t heard them. It was different with De. But De was the exception to everything.

You didn’t have to ask him to repeat himself because you finally understood with a comprehension that rivaled holding conversations with De.

What did you want? De was the only one who ever asked that, and only rarely because most of the time he knew without asking exactly what you needed. If anything, in this moment where the world was frozen, everything was perfect. If only you could share that with De. Would he be able to appreciate it?

You blinked. You wanted De more than anything else in the world. But it wasn’t fair to ask for De to come back if you were both going to be stuck with Sir again.

The answer was obvious, how had you missed it? You licked your lips, preparing yourself mentally for what you wanted to say. Would he really give it to you? After more or less refusing to give it to Sir? “Sam safe and has De?”

The man crouched so that he was eye to eye with you. “Why should I be surprised?” He sighed. “You’re under the age of consent, and yet I do believe you’re the most willing sacrifice I’ve ever met, and I’ve seen quite a lot.”

You crawled the rest of the way towards him. His lap looked inviting and maybe if he was talking about and to you so calmly, that meant he wouldn’t hurt you.

He picked you up and stood when you put your hand on his knee. Settled on his hip with your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, the arm on your back holding you in place was the most comforting feeling you had ever experienced.

“Let’s go find your brother, shall we?”

“De,” you agreed. There was nothing else you needed more in your life than to know that your brother was okay and safe.

He huffed a laugh. “Alright then, but I need you to close your eyes, okay?” Without giving you time to process and act on the command, he put a gentle finger on each eyelid and closed it for you. You knew better than to open them again, but you weren’t frightened. You simply felt safe.

There was a single sound you couldn’t place. A snap, you realized a moment later. This was punctuated by a new smell, something between ozone and smoke, more silence, and then a single swoosh, like snapping a piece of fabric through the air as hard as you could.

You weren’t in the forest anymore. This place didn’t smell outdoorsy, instead quite the opposite. And you were both warm and dry, two things you had not felt in quite some time.

“Okay, Kiddo. You can open your eyes now.”

You chose not to, instead leaning forward to rest your head on his shoulder. You were tired, and if he tried to put you down now, you were going to scream.

He shifted you, and you  _ knew  _ he was going to try to put you down. You whimpered, scrambling for purchase so he couldn’t. You cried. It didn’t matter that you didn’t know El, you didn’t want to let go of the feeling of being the most secure you had felt in your entire life.

“Hey, hey, kiddo, it’s okay. You want Dean, don’t you?”

You wailed. It wasn’t fair that you had to choose between this feeling of safety and the only other constant who had ever cared about you. Of course you wanted Dean. But why did that mean El had to put you down?

He shifted you back onto his hip, but it didn’t feel like the victory it was supposed to be. You cried harder. You  _ never  _ cried in front of Sir, so the fact that you were wailing and that El hadn’t done anything yet was a testament to how different this relationship was to any experiences you had already held.

El moved, bouncing you on his hip with every step he took. You still didn’t open your eyes, not wanting to know what was about to happen.

Eventually he shifted you again, but this time you were certain he had sat down and was simply putting you in a more comfortable position. 

“How about this? You can see Dean in the morning and since you’re not going to let me put you down, we’ll just sit here.”

Morning sounded like a good thing. It was way later than you had ever willingly stayed up before and you  _ were  _ exhausted. “De?”

“In the morning, Sweetheart. In the meantime, do you think you can drink some of this warm milk for me? It’s just milk.”

A second later something warm was being placed in your hands. It felt like a hard plastic cup. You brought it up and your mouth found the plastic straw. The milk was warm, not hot enough to burn, and it was delicious.

Nestled in El’s arms with warm milk in your belly, it was no surprise that you would fall into sleep before the milk was gone.

* * *

You woke slowly. It was quiet. Why was it so quiet? Surely Sir should have been screaming at you by now. 

It was nice, like a soft dream. If you kept your eyes closed, could it just stay this way forever? No sound, no stress, just the soft?

“Are you awake, Sam?”

Without any other sounds in the room, it was slightly easier for you to hear the words spoken, though it still took far too long to understand what exactly you were being asked.

This was not Sir. The voice was far too kind, and spoke with far too much enunciation and firmly without being too loud. And it was a question, aimed at you, and seemed to expect a response rather than being perfectly rhetorical in a way that always led to more pain.

Were you awake. Were you?

Perhaps you were not awake. Perhaps this was the nicest dream you had ever had. Perhaps if you asked very nicely, you could stay in this moment forever and never have to awaken. You did not want to go back to Sir. Did not wish to ever again lay eyes on him again in your entire lifetime.

“I found your brother while you were sleeping last night, and I have decided that it would not be in either your best interest or his best interest to leave the two of you in the place he was staying, so I think I would like to take the both of you home with me. What do you think?”

Your eyes flew open because the only thing better than the endless moment of quiet and  _ soft  _ was De. You did not understand the vastness of his words, but you were able to piece together the pattern of sound that  _ always  _ and  _ only  _ referred to De. “De!”

You were lying on El’s lap, which explained the  _ soft  _ feeling, and the promises of yesterday restored themselves in your mind. “El!”

You looked up and saw that El was smiling, and he rubbed your back. It didn’t occur to you to flinch because you felt safe. And you were. “That’s right. I promised to bring you to Dean and I did. He’s right there, and he’s sleeping. Do you see him?” He motioned with his hand away from him, so you looked.

De was lying on a sofa across from where El was sitting, and he was sleeping.

Your stomach growled, and this time, you did flinch. It was so loud. Why was it so loud?

“It must be time for breakfast. Dean? Are you ready to eat breakfast?”

The lump that was your brother stirred. “What?”

“Sam, what do you want to eat?”

You didn’t process the question and you shrugged because Sir had never wanted your opinion even when it seemed as though he was asking for it. Food was food and you were always happy to eat in the first place.

When was the last time you had eaten? El had given you delicious warm milk, but that wasn’t solid food.

“I think we’ll have waffles. They have the perfect little wells for syrup to pool and they’re absolutely delicious.”

El held you up, then stood. “Dean, the kitchen is this way.”

The living room faded as El walked into what appeared at a dining room table. There was food you couldn’t identify on the table. De sat at the table and El sat across from him and you were on El’s lap.

El fed you and you had never in your life eaten such a diverse and tasty meal. You fell asleep before you could finish eating, you were still just so exhausted.

* * *

You woke up when El let go of you and you yelped before realizing that he’d put you on the couch. You blinked at him, trying to understand why he was abandoning you in the middle of the large expanse of room. You didn’t like it. Not at all.

“Hey, hey. You’re okay.”

You didn’t think you were okay. You were quite terrified, especially because it was obvious that El was moving away from you.

You scrambled off the couch. You couldn’t see De, and you hoped that maybe De could make this right. “De?”

“Your brother is playing or napping in the spare bedroom. I thought you’d prefer to nap in here where I can see you.”

You started crying as you launched yourself at El’s legs. You didn’t want to sleep on a couch in the middle of the room. Sir had always kept you out of the way in a cage. It had been just the right size to sit quietly or sleep in. It had felt safe because it was not so open as this massive room.

El picked you up. “I know you want me to hold you, but I can’t hold you whenever you need to sleep. So if you won’t sleep in here on the couch, where do you want to sleep?”

You wanted to sleep with De. But if De was in another room, that meant that El wouldn’t be there too. “Sam’s Cage.” Sir had put you in it less often when De was gone, but you like it and if El wanted a place for you to sleep, that was as good a place as any.

El tensed against you and you wondered if he was angry, but you couldn’t understand why he might be such. It had been one of the better parts of life with Sir.

He put a hand on your forehead and for a moment there was a strange feeling like your thoughts weren’t all your own. But then it was gone and the hand left your forehead to wave through the air.

“You’re a little big for a crib,” El said, “but I have an idea for something else.”

El crossed the room and put you down on the floor. You were facing away from him. Where before there had just been expanse of room, there was now gate from one wall to the other. Inside this much larger cage than the one you’d had with Sir were many blankets and small items you didn’t have a word for.

There was also a bed that looked like it would be just the right size for you.

“Do you like it?” El asked. “You don’t have to stay inside it if you don’t want to, but there’s some blankets and toys for you.”

“Sam’s New Cage?” you asked, looking up at El and grinning at the prospect that this could maybe be all yours. You did know better than to get your hopes up, but you also really hoped that El wasn’t like Sir, that he wasn’t showing you this possibility just to tear it away from you.

El frowned, crouching behind you. “Yes, Sam, it is yours. But it’s not a cage. It’s a child-proof playpen.”

“Sam’s Cage,” you repeated. You didn’t rightly care what El wanted to call it. You were going to call it as it was. It already had a name. It didn’t need a new one. “Mine?”

El hugged you. “Yes, kiddo. All yours.” He opened the wall, seeming to be showing you how it opened, but you were more interested in being inside it.

It was so much bigger than the one you’d had before and you wanted to explore.

The area had a soft flooring that was squishy and you knelt to touch it and watch as it compressed when you pushed on it.

There were many blankets and they all looked really soft. You’d only had one before and a small part of you wondered why you would need so many. One had always been more than enough blanket.

Other than the blankets, there were also objects that seemed to be replicas of animals. There was one close to you so you picked it up.

You  _ loved _ dogs and it looked just like a little golden puppy and it was easily the softest thing you’d ever touched in your entire life. “Puppy? El?”

“Yes, Sam. That’s a toy dog, all yours.” El closed the gate behind you and walked over to the bed. “I’m going to sit over here, okay? Feel free to play with whatever you want to.”

You blinked while trying to process El’s words. It was easier to focus when he spoke as there were no other sounds, but that didn’t mean that you knew all the words he used.

He was sitting on the bed, and would continue doing so. That part made sense.

But he wanted you to ‘play’? That was not a concept you understood, and not a phrase that Sir had  _ ever  _ uttered.

You could not remember if De had ever said it, but you were inclined to believe he had not.

El had given you no cause to fear anything at all, but you did not want to give him a reason to decide that you were more effort than you were worth. So you said nothing, instead you took a moment to pet the puppy while subtly watching El.

El had sat against the head of the bed, leaning his head sideways against the wall. He looked… sad.

You had no idea why El would be sad, but you didn’t like it. So you walked over to him and put the puppy in his lap. Puppies always made you happy, maybe it would do the same for El.

El looked at you and scratched the puppy behind the ears. He smiled, but you could tell it wasn’t real. “Hi, Sam. Thank you.”

If the dog wouldn’t make El happy, maybe one of the other animal replicas could.

You didn’t recognize the shapes most of the fuzzies were in, but that didn’t stop you from picking them up individually and bringing them to El one by one.

But El didn’t cheer up. He told you the names of the animals and would pat you on the head, but the aura of sadness didn’t fade.

You wore yourself out surrounding El with the animals. There were just  _ so many _ .

Eventually the blankets looked so inviting that you just had to push a few of them together into a pile and lay down in it. It was soft and warm that you couldn’t help but close your eyes.

* * *

You woke up to a low sound and it took you a few minutes to realize that you were hearing El and De talking.

You sat up.

Some of the animals had been moved closer to you, but the first one you saw was the golden puppy and you wanted to keep it.

You picked it up.

“De?”

“Hey, Sammy. Are you hungry?”

Your stomach growled, so you nodded

You followed De out of your cage with El moving ahead to the kitchen.

“Sammy,” De said quietly as El disappeared into the kitchen. “This is important. Are you happy here? And you feel safe?” Dean’s fingers moved as he signed the question while asking it.

The question was so important that De was making certain that you understood what he was trying to ask and you loved him so much for that.

De deserved a well considered answer, so even while you nodded happily, because you  _ were  _ happy, you also thought about why you were happy and how to explain that.  _ He safe _ , you signed back. You didn’t have a way to sign any personal signs besides De’s and Sir’s. (Secretly you were hoping to never have to use Sir’s sign ever again, but it was too soon to tell.)  _ Many blankets and soft things,  _ you signed.  _ AND FOOD, DE! _

De didn’t look placated yet, even as he watched you sloppily drew one sign into the next in your excitement. But even so, once you were finished he ruffled your hair and led you in the direction of the kitchen, from which El had poked his head out, likely to see what was taking so long.

You found that you didn’t mind. So far, El had given you many reasons to like him and no reason to not. Maybe that was a bad sign, but you liked to think that it meant your luck was changing. You were well aware that nothing could be perfect, but you didn’t care. You were happy.

El made mac and cheese for lunch, along with delicious vegetables and it was delicious.

De wanted pie for desert and El complied. You passed on it though. Sir always let De have pie and got mad when you asked to share it. De’s favorite pies were always too sweet for you anyway, and you weren’t ready to test El because you really didn’t want this to end.

After lunch, El pointed out that the door to the bathroom was in the living room. You liked that it wasn’t that far from your cage.

* * *

El was sitting on the couch so you climbed up into his lap because you wanted to be held. Sir put you in your small cage most of the time because he wanted you out of the way and didn’t allow for you to interrupt him ever for any reason. But El did not seem so inclined to send you away, and you’d decided it was time to check. You did not want to get so attached only to find out that this good thing was just an illusion you’d created for yourself.

“Hello, Kiddo.” El shifted so you could sit more comfortably in his lap. He petted the puppy you were still carrying around by the ear. “Do you need anything?”

You yawned and shook your head. El hadn’t pushed you away and that was all you wanted to know.

“Are you going to take another nap?”

You tucked the puppy under your chin and didn’t try to decide whether or not you were going to go back to sleep because it didn’t matter. El’s tone implied humor and concern, not anger or agitation.

* * *

You were still on El’s lap when you woke up again and you were still so tired.

“Hey, kiddo,” El soothed when you whined. You squirmed, but not because you wanted to be put down. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you smiled, pressing closer into his side.

The puppy was still in your hands and you couldn’t have been happier because as far as you could tell, El was not only not going to take it from you, but he also wasn’t going to make you move from your comfortable spot in his lap.

“Sam, you know you can’t go back to your dad, right? He didn’t take good care of you or Dean and that’s not a healthy environment for you to grow up in.”

You blinked up at El without really understanding what he was talking about. “Sir? No Sir?” You were only guessing that he was talking about Sir, but you had no idea what other person he might be talking about. He definitely wasn’t talking about De. Right? “De?”

El was silent for a moment. “John lost the right to raise you and your brother when he tried to sacrifice one son for the return of another.”

“No Sir?” you repeated because understanding were still evading.

“Yes, Sam,” El said, which meant that at the very least you had some idea who El was talking about, even if you didn’t understand El’s point about Sir. “He’s not fit to raise a cat, let alone human children. As such, I’d like to adopt you and Dean both. For your safety and so no one can take you away for as long as you want to stay.”

“My El?” you asked.

El nodded solemnly. He moved a hand and then suddenly he was holding a gold chalice. “Can you drink this for me?”

You sniffed the contents. It  _ smelled  _ like grape juice but that didn’t mean it was. And Sir didn’t usually let you drink anything that wasn’t water. “You first,” you demanded warily. You’d drink it, but El had to drink first.

El lifted the chalice and sipped from it. When you were convinced nothing bad had happened, you swallowed most of the contents. It mostly tasted like grape juice, but you could tell there was something else in it too, but not what it was.

Before you could drink all of it, you spilled some of it and could feel it dripping down your chin where your puppy was still close to you. But you didn’t mind, because it was like sharing the potion with what was yours.

And then just as quickly as the chalice had appeared, it was gone, and El was wiping your face. You didn’t think he looked angry, just happy.

“Would you like me to read you a story?” El asked.

You shrugged, and then El was holding a picture book and reading from it. You didn’t comprehend all the words of the story, but the pictures were nice, and you eventually found yourself falling asleep again.

* * *

A nightmare woke you up sometime later. Blinking your eyes open fearfully, you couldn’t recall exactly what you had dreamed, only that you were frightened.

You whimpered at how cold you were. There was at least one blanket on the floor by the bed, but none were on the bed. You didn’t reach for them because your fear extended to the possibility of El getting angry at you for touching the blankets that didn’t belong to you.

Sir had only ever let you have one and you weren’t ready to risk El’s wrath by picking the blankets up off the floor.

You were alone and cold and frightened and despite fearing El’s wrath, you opened your mouth to scream.

And then you were startled into closing it again because where a moment ago there had been no one, someone you’d never seen before was standing only a few feet away from you.

Before you could react, you had been swaddled in the softest of the blankets on the floor. But he wasn’t holding you, and that was a problem.

“Does that feel warmer?” he asked.

You blinked. You heard the words, and could to some extent understand that he was asking if the blankets helped. And they did. You nodded even as you pouted, deciding that the other problem was more important. “Lu, up,” you demanded.

You had no more idea why he was Lu than why El was El, but you weren’t going to dwell on irrelevant matters. What mattered was that you wanted to be held, regardless of whether it was El or Lu doing the holding.

Lu’s brow wrinkled but he picked you up, blanket and puppy all. “Sam, why are you here?”

You tilted your head, but you didn’t get the question so you didn’t try to answer it. Instead, you rested your head on his shoulder.

Your head felt warm and there was almost a buzzing, almost like you weren’t alone in your head again. Not that you minded. You’d never really been alone in a room, why would you be alone in your head?

You scratched at the hem of the blanket. You were used to Sir doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, so the idea of not being alone, even in your head, was not unusual at all.

The heat was gone and the buzzing ceased almost as soon as they had started.

You whined without being entirely sure of the problem. They weren’t the most comfortable sensations so now that they were gone, you should have been happier. But you weren’t. 

“Sam, are you happy?”

You recalled De asking a similar question and you shrugged. “El better than Sir,” you said quietly. You imagined a long term life with El to be better than even a single day with Sir, especially with how bad it had gotten only recently. “Sam’s cage good,” you said. You barely noticed as Lu froze. This one had blankets and soft animals. The one you’d had with Sir had been so small, with only a single blanket and you didn’t  _ want  _ to go back, never ever.

You felt the warmth, but it lasted only momentarily this time. “Sam, has El hurt you? Made you feel uncomfortable?”

You didn’t understand what Lu was trying to ask about, but you did understand the accusatory tone. “El good!” you whined. “Snuggles Sam, and makes good food.” You were crying and you realized that it was because you were afraid of the suggestion that El could be anything less than good. Because that could mean that you’d have to go back to Sir and you  _ couldn’t  _ have that. No no no no no.

You were whimpering. You were swaddled tightly enough that you couldn't move and you wouldn't have minded, but it almost hurt to breathe.

"It's okay, Sam," Lu soothed, more comfort offered in a single syllable than you had ever heard from Sir in your whole life. "May I help you, Sam? In whatever way necessary?"

You blinked wearily. "Yeah." You had no idea what Lu was asking for, but you already trusted him like you only trusted De and El. And somehow, you  _ knew _ that the answer he was looking for was yes.

Lu glowed, but not so brightly that shielding your eyes was necessary, and it wasn't like a lightbulb, casting bright light and shadow around a room. It was more like De's glow in the dark stickers, taking in bright light and then reflecting it back at a more soothing intensity. In this case, the reflected light was pink, not a sickly green like the stickers had been.

The glow around Lu was pleasant. It was warm and safe, and you felt so loved. You couldn't take your eyes away from the tantalizing light.

But eventually the aura shifted into a feeling of confusion. Not  _ your  _ confusion, but a confusion from within the glow. Lu's confusion? But why?

You didn't have the opportunity to investigate further because the quiet was suddenly replaced by loud.  _ De. _

"Get the fuck away from him, you bastard!"

You  _ barely  _ understood De's gist.

And everything went downhill from there.

De was rushing towards you, but El reached out to stop him. Your brother screamed. You had already gathered that he was angry, but this sounded like it encompassed hurt.

Why would De think El had hurt him? El and Lu were absolutely  _ perfect _ . Or maybe they had?

Before you could consider the ramifications of that, De broke free of El's grip and charged towards Lu.

You could see how this would end. With De knocking Lu over and you hitting the ground.

You cried. De was supposed to protect you but why couldn't he see that you didn't need protection from El or Lu? You didn't have the words to tell De to stop moving. It would have taken no more than one single shouted word and it didn't exist in the moment you needed it.

Right before the predicted contact was made, there was an instant of blinding light and it's end put another person between De and Lu. 

This new person was about as tall as Lu, which was to say,  _ very tall, _ and with a practiced calm, he picked De up right off the ground and settled your screaming and squirming brother on his hip. His name was Mi. You’d never seen or heard of him before, but you still knew that was his name.

“Dean, if you don’t calm down you’re going to hurt your brother.”

"You!" De screamed. "Stop touching me! Put me down!"

The lights flickered and you couldn't keep from whimpering because he was so loud that all you could hear was how much it hurt your ears. Without letting go of your puppy, you shoved your fists against your ears and cried.

A moment later you couldn't see anything and there was only silence. The throbbing in your ears didn't desist, but you felt safe. Once your eyes adjusted you realized that you were against Lu's chest, but there was something between you and everything else, something which appeared to be a soft glow in the dark pink.

Feathers.

"Pervert! Put Sam down!" Even though the sound was only a light buzz in your ears, you knew it was even louder, as it caused every lightbulb in the room to shatter.  _ How did you know that? You couldn't see it. _

The air was suddenly charged with static, but it felt like it was originating from a spot near De.

As it was no longer necessary for you to hold your hands to your ears, you pressed against the edge of the wing because you wanted to see.

There was yet another new person in the room. He was holding two fingers against your brother's head, and De wasn't moving and his eyes were closed.

"De?" you whined.

El took you from Lu and set you on his hip. "De is just sleeping." He walked towards Mi, and the other person took a step back when El reached with his other hand to take De from Mi.

The other person held up those two fingers towards in your direction and you ducked into El's side.

"Don't, Raph. Sam will fall asleep soon enough on his own. Isn't that right, Sam?"

The other new person was Af, then. 

"Mir?"

El smiled at you and walked towards the toddler bed. Mi and Af followed him. He put De down on the bed and you whined when he moved to set you beside him. El sat at the end of the bed and shifted you to his lap to where you could still see De.

Lu sat on the floor of your cage, and both Mi and Af joined him, but further away, as though they didn't really want to be near Lu. 

"Are you sure this is a conversation you want the child to overhear?" Af asked.

"He's not going to be able to follow it," El said. To you his tone sounded almost regretful. You weren't sure why. "Sam, what did Raph ask?"

You heard your name so you tried to hand him your puppy but he wouldn't take it from you. You thought maybe El was asking something about Af, but you weren't sure beyond that. Somehow you knew it wasn't relevant so you didn't try to work it out.

They were talking about you. You didn't care. They were being nicer than when Sir rambled on about you to himself.

"It can be a little rude to talk about someone like they're not present, but this situation  _ is  _ a little unusual. But if it helps…" El snapped.

El was holding a dolphin music box. The water looked real, ebbing and flowing with the sound coming out of it. You liked it. He put it on the floor where you could watch it, and you did.

"And that's just going to… keep his attention?" Mi asked.

El nodded. He rubbed your back and it felt so  _ good _ .

You hummed. It wasn't really an attempt to mimic the sounds with the box so much as you wanted El to know that you were so very happy, because so far as you could tell, that was all he wanted from you.

What if it wasn’t really? What if he wanted  _ more _ ? What if he wanted so much more from you that you wouldn’t be able to give it all? What then?

Sir had taken so much from you that more often than not, you were left feeling floaty, and like your head was filled with glass shards and broken artifacts that didn’t belong to you. You didn’t even know what it was that he was  _ taking  _ only that it was  _ too much _ .

There was a sharp whine that was only as long as it took to make it, and only after it was gone did you realize it had come from you.

Af reached his hand forward towards your head. “Gabriel, are you sure don’t want me too…”

He never finished what he was saying because as soon as his fingers were near your face, you  _ bit  _ them.

_ You were in so much trouble _ . As soon as you realized  _ exactly  _ what you had done, you started babbling, trying to convey that you had not meant to bite him and that, “ _ I am so very very sorry, please don’t hurt me, _ ” but you didn’t  _ have  _ any words. You  _ never  _ had any words when you  _ needed  _ them, and most of the time not even when you wanted them.

You waited and waited for the pain, the repercussions, to come, but nothing happened. Nothing, except he picked up and pressed a light kiss onto your forehead, which shocked you into silence. Then, he settled back onto the floor with you on his lap and rewrapped the blanket around your frame. You were still holding on to your puppy and you were so confused.

You let go of the puppy. You didn't _deserve _it. The music box was still playing and you didn't deserve it either. Not when you had done one of the worst things you were capable of. _Sir might have killed you if you'd bitten him. How could you_ _be so stupid?!_

Mi picked the puppy up off the floor and put the stuffed animal next to your face. It was so soft and you wanted to cry, but you weren't going to. You had to steel yourself because they weren't  _ really  _ going to give it back.

This was like when you and De and Sir were eating in a place with other people and someone accidentally put food in front of you. It wasn't there for you to touch and if you ever did,  _ you were in so much trouble. _ Any moment they were going to take the puppy away again, and if you touched it first, the trouble you were in was going to double or triple.

You were so scared that your stomach had tied itself into knots and you couldn't tell if you needed the bathroom or were going to throw up.  _ You were so much of a screwup that you couldn't even keep the trouble you were in from snowballing down a mountain. It  _ was  _ about to get worse if you made a mess. _

Af took one of your hands and closed your fist around the puppy and your apprehension hurt so much it was hard to breathe.

Mi let go of the puppy and Af let go of your arm and there was no relief. Only confusion so thick that your head  _ ached.  _ What did they want from You? What were they trying to achieve?

You didn't know and you weren't sure you wanted to know, so you did the only thing that you could do. You put the puppy's paw in your mouth and sucked on it.

"Why are the three of you here?" El asked. "And don't give me any b.s. about caring about the true vessels or whatever because I've adopted them. _They're_ _mine_. You can't possess children and you can't possess fledglings and you can't possess nephilim."

"Sam said a very vocal and understandable yes. I do not understand the restriction."

"For one, he's six. Before we even  _ get  _ to the nuances of contract law, biblical law holds that the age of accountability is seven, right? At the minimum. Which means even if Sam said yes, he's not old enough for that yes to be valid. Now, as messed up as biblical law is, I'm pretty sure even they could agree that there are certain children who, at seven, should still not be signing contracts. But let's not talk about them because we're going to talk about Sam. Did he understand a single thing about what you were offering?"

"I don't know. I didn't lie to him and he said yes. I thought that was what mattered."

"Lucifer, intent matters. Sam is six. But there's also something wrong with the way he processes sound. So he gave you an understandable yes, but what was he saying yes to? You can't  _ know _ . I bet that not only does Sam not know, he probably doesn't even remember saying that yes. But even  _ more  _ importantly, I adopted him with blood magic. He is now  _ my nephil  _ and as far as the timeline is concerned, he always has been."

You felt warm, but not just from the blanket. Af seemed to be radiating warmth and it felt so nice.

"This child is very malnourished and I do not understand how he is alive. He has rickets and auditory processing disorder, among other things."

El sighed. “Even I could tell they’re both underweight. But I think human children are a little more resilient than that. I’ve seen it… a lot.”

“What do you mean, you’ve seen this a lot?! This shouldn’t be possible! Children are to be protected!”

You keened. You didn’t want to, but Af was loud and upset and you were uncomfortable. The loud wasn’t the only reason you were uncomfortable though. Your tummy hurt.

Af kissed your forehead. “It’s okay, baby. No one’s going to hurt you ever again.”

“Ba. Ba,” you babbled. You weren’t sure that you could move, or that you were supposed to, but you were pretty sure you  _ really  _ needed the bathroom.

“That’s right,” Af cooed. “You are the baby.” He rubbed your belly and you knew it was supposed to be pleasant tickling, but your tummy hurt  _ so much _ and you  _ needed  _ the pressure to go away  _ now _ .

You couldn’t hold it in, and you cried even as the pressure in your belly lessened because this was terrible. The amount of trouble you were in just kept increasing and this was  _ almost  _ as bad as being in Sir’s care. Except he had left you in your cage, wet and uncomfortable for hours upon hours.

“Oh, Sammy,” El whispered, but not angry, or disappointed. Only… sad.

“Can I hold him? After you clean him up?” Mi asked.

“Here, let me.” El snapped his fingers together. You were dry, and warm, and there was something soft against your bottom. It felt nice and you didn’t understand why they weren’t shouting and why you weren’t wet.

Mi took you from Af and cooed something unintelligible at you. You were so warm and exhausted, but you didn't want to go to sleep yet because what if Lu, Mi, and Af all left? You knew they didn't live here. 

You closed your eyes, but then there was sound washing you. “Why haven’t any of you mentioned the elephant in the room?” Lu’s voice was both quiet and confused. You wondered if it had to do with why he was so separated from the other people in the room.

"I'm sure we're all curious about how you're out of the cage," El said. "But the wellbeing of  _ my kids  _ comes first and I'd really like to know why Dean Winchester thinks any of us would inappropriately touch him or his brother."

"I think Dean killed someone in the last week. It's possible it was because he was trying to touch Sam or Dean in such a way." Mi frowned. "Dean ran away and I stepped in just enough to ensure he arrived safely at his destination in a timely manner, but I do not understand your involvement, Gabriel."

"I do not understand how it is possible for humans to have perversions towards children. You  _ are _ alluding to the possibility of them having been sexually abused?" It sounded like Af was going to throw up, and your morbid curiosity about it made you look. His face was green. 

"I'm sorry, Raph." El sounded honest and a little upset himself. "I've seen the best and worst of humans. Some of them are good and kind and just, and some of them are more sick and twisted than demons. It comes with having Free Will, I believe." He sighed and put his hands on his face. "My role in this, Michael, is that John Winchester made a piss poor attempt to summon me and I was curious about the kid he was using in an equally shoddy attempt at binding me. His intention was to sacrifice one son for the other, but I never figured out what exactly he thought had happened to Dean. He was temporarily safe, and hadn’t been kidnapped, though any adult supervision was nonexistent."

"So why didn't you just leave Sam with his brother?" Lu asked. "You hadn't adopted them by then, I imagine."

"Sam just has a way of wrapping you around his little finger. And no one's called me by my true name in a few thousand years. What, I was supposed to ignore him? And also, Dean should never have needed to assume full responsibility for taking care of Sam, but if my assumptions are correct, I think he did."

* * *

"I know that yesterday was really stressful for you and that my brothers showing up randomly was a lot to take in, but can we talk about it calmly?"

You blinked away the blurriness of your vision to find that El was still sitting on the toddler bed and that he was talking to De. Your brother was sitting with his back against the wall and he had folded his legs up to his chest.

"Why?" De asked.

"My brothers could never hurt a child, and while I know that none of us have earned your trust yet, I would like to know why you called Lu a pervert."

"Sam can't tell friends from creeps and I have to protect him. And then I couldn't see Sam and all I could think about was the bad things he could have been doing to Sammy,  _ right there _ ." _ _

You hated how scared De sounded. He was scared  _ for  _ you and you hated,  _ hated _ , it because you had never been better!

"Dean, I know you don't want to talk about it, but has anyone touched you any place you didn't want them to?"

You didn't know what El was talking about, but you knew the answer was important. But De didn't answer, scratching his wrist in the telltale way that meant he was uncomfortable. It was also his cue for being guilty of something and that whatever El had asked, the answer was yes.

You hoped whatever it was, El wasn't going to kick you out for it.

"What about Sammy?"

"What about him?"

El sighed. "Dean, as far as you know, has anyone  _ ever _ touched or tried to touch Sam in that way?"

You heard your name, but you know he wasn't talking to you and that this was very very important. 

"I killed him!" De screamed. 

El said nothing. He didn’t even look surprised. He just…  _ waited _ .

You whimpered. You knew what De was talking about, you didn’t know why, but you  _ knew. _ You’d been there, after all.

It was why De had disappeared, and there were very few things you wanted to think about less than you wanted to think about that.

_ De had killed the intruder. And you couldn’t understand anything beyond that. _

“I killed him!” De screamed, again. “He offered me more than I can usually get but I decided at the last minute it was too good to be true and I was right! He followed me back to the hotel and decided that he wanted Sam.  _ Over my dead body. _ ”

“Dean, was he offering you money for what I think you’re implying?”

“Sir doesn’t feed Sammy, or leave enough money to feed Sammy. I  _ have  _ to provide!"

"Dean…" El sounded like his entire  _ soul  _ had been wrought into pieces and it was  _ terrible _ . "Dean, my brothers and I  _ want  _ to provide for you and Sam, and we don't want you to ever be in that kind of a situation again."

De huffed. You recognized it as disbelief. "I don't believe you. It's a nice fiction, but everyone  _ always _ lets you down."

"Then we'll just have to spend every day of the rest of your lives proving it."

Dean harrumphed, but he didn't argue. You could feel the power behind El's statement and you wished for the life of you that the words had any meaning. But it was as meaningless as it was important.

The following silence was just that and it gave you the opportunity to realize that there was no pressure in your belly and that you were wet, which wasn't something that you had been a moment ago, as far as you could recall.

You cried.

De looked at you. "Sammy needs a bath," he said with the certainty that only came with having known you  _ literally forever _ .

"He does? How do you know?"

"Sir doesn't like that Sammy doesn't really talk except he also hates when Sammy  _ does  _ talk. He says it's 'inconveniencing'. So he always keeps Sammy in the crib. And since Sammy won't ask for the bathroom, he gets wet. And Sir gets madder and won't do anything for hours and hours.  _ That's  _ Sammy's 'I'm wet' cry."

"Okay," El said. "He wet himself earlier, so I put him in a diaper in case it happened again. Do you want to help me give Sammy a bath?"

De and El gave you a bath. It was a warm bath and you liked it. You wouldn't have minded never leaving the water except it would be easier to cuddle El if you weren't in the bath.

After your bath was over, you were dressed in soft and warm clothing, and De curled up on the bed in your cage. El curled up on the floor, holding you close, with Mi and Lu hovering nearby and Af sat reading a book.

  
  


Your name is Sam Winchester. You’re six years old and your family loves you very much. Nothing else matters.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a longer fic, but the muse has been picky and was ready to move onto a task slightly easier than the second person pov. So I tried to wrap of the loose ends at least a little.  
But have one scene of honorable mention:
> 
> You were finally ready to ask for the one thing you wanted, had been wanting, more than anything else. All of your frustrations at not having enough words to convey your true desire, because apparently "Sam has puppy?" was only ever to get you more stuffed animals, and you didn't want more toys to replace your beloved favorite. But not this time. "Sam has 'nocchio' dog?" you asked, staring hopefully at El and Mi.


End file.
